Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Church Fight

Ok you are all truly family because I am about to share a very personal story...

This happened a few weeks ago at my church... the place where I go for peace, to hear a word that will carry me through the week…the place where I was in a fight!! Well actually a fight involves two people…I was assaulted!

Come with me brothers and sisters to hear my story. There I was in church, seated next to my parents, enjoying the service. I was smartly dressed in my lovely yellow suit. Into my pew walk two strangers that sat down beside me. I had never seen these worshippers before but I attend a very large church and our doors are open to all. We, the congregation, stood with our Bibles to read the word that would be the subject of our sermon. I, "Chrissie Christian", noticing that my neighbor didn’t have a Bible, decided to share. And that, brothers and sisters is when something went very wrong!!

I reached over to lightly touch the arm of my neighbor and motioned that she could read along with me. It was at that moment that she decided that I was no neighbor of hers!! She looked at me like I was new and hit me and my Bible! Now, just to set the record straight, she did not hit me like Mike Tyson. It was more of a tap, tap, tap with an elbow to my arm for good measure... what Dawn now calls the Church Slap. Those of you that know Dawn can only imagine the hours of laughter she is getting from this story!!

But anyway….I was shocked an appalled. I stood there with my mouth wide open because I couldn’t believe it. I remember thinking, "did she just hit me or am I dreaming?!" After the assault, we all sat down and my neighbor looked straight ahead as if nothing happened! Ok, well first I was mad, but then as I looked at my neighbor I realized something wasn’t quite right (if you know what I mean.) My anger then turned to fear. I had visions of her jumping me during the offering! While I wondered how I would make my exit she hit me again! It was a very quick tap, tap to the side of my leg. "Can someone help me?!" "Doesn’t anyone see this?!!" 'Where are the ushers??" "Where are my Mother and Father?!!?"

Well my agitation finally got the attention of my Mother who asked what was wrong. Now, I like to think of myself as a mature woman of the world but at that moment as I looked at my Mother I turned 4 years old! I replied, “She’s hitting me!” "What!"... my Mother couldn’t comprehend, so again I said, “She’s hitting me!” Now my Father wants to know what is happening and my Mom tells him that my neighbor is hitting me. "What!" He can’t believe it either. My Dad quickly tells me to move my seat which I do very obediently like any 4 year old would! Safe beside my Dad I now fear for my Mother’s arm and leg as well!! I tell my Father my concern, who by this time is practically standing in his seat, glaring down the neighbor. Howard replies that "there will be no more hitting as long as (he) is on the job!!" My Mother, who is the sweetest, also does not play when it comes to her “Pookalitas”! She picks up her umbrella that is on the floor, crosses her leg and makes the exaggerated motion of rolling the umbrella up all in the view of our neighbor. Helen was ready, by whatever means necessary!!

Now I don’t actually know what the sermon was about on that Sunday. We were having strife right in our pew!! Our neighbors left before the benediction, never to be seen again. Now, brothers and sisters, I have replayed this story many times in my head. Should I have rolled up my little yellow suit sleeves and fought back? Should I have screamed? Should I have let my parents beat up my neighbor?!! Who is to say? You never know what you will do until you are actually in a situation.

I do know that I am thankful for my parents, and I am thankful to be in my right mind, and I am thankful to have clothes on my back, especially my little yellow suit!


  1. I commend you for your candor. We never know what we will do in any given situation. Because if you had rolled up on your neighbor, you don't know what they may or may not have been packing. (You get my drift).

    Folks crazy these days and are liable to do anything, anywhere and at anytime.

  2. Donna,

    This is the funniest story I have ever heard. What I tell my girls 6 & 8 years old, (a little older than you) to use the voice GOD gave you. You did the right thing by getting the attention of your parents. Never suffer in silence and never second guess yourself. So the lesson kids, if you're in danger get help and attention even if it means making a scene in chruch.


  3. Now I know I shouldn't be laughing at this story but I am at work cracking up! Girl, don't you know the devil is always busy? Even in the church! He know that you're trying to keep your faith in God and and try to live a life that is pleasing to him so he will send his imps (yes they do exist, my mother told me so God rest her soul)to do his work for him. I know how you felt though especially when you trying to do the right thing ("Chrissie Christian")and here comes "Shaquita Satan" to try to make you feel discouraged about your decision to act in a Godly manner. I will tell you to stay encouraged and keep asking God for strength so next time the devil won't lead you to have to beat nobody behind "In the Name of Jesus"!

    Take Care


    P.S. I hope you wonderful ladies of Pooka will grace the Circle of Sisters this year with your products. I missed you guys not being there last year!

  4. Donna,
    The Fitch clan always knows how to make a persons side hurt...I am dying to hear Dawn's side of the story...


  5. OH MY GOODNESS!!! Donna, this has to be the funniest and craziest thing that I've ever heard!! Unbelievable! But I'm glad you were able to leave church unscathed! But I will say that even though it seems crazy...your response (or lack of a direct one) will probably minister to them more than the sermon did. Go 'head Chrissy Christian! (smile)

    Hope all is well!
    Tracey Michae'l Lewis


  7. sorry its 3 in the morning but i was tying to say i wish i knew of this story earlier so i could get in a good laugh with dawn

  8. OMG!!! This is the funniest story. I am at work reading this cracking up with tears rolling down my eyes. Whew! This is too funny!!!!

  9. I am laughing so hard. That is cray!