The Church Fight

Ok you are all truly family because I am about to share a very personal story...

This happened a few weeks ago at my church... the place where I go for peace, to hear a word that will carry me through the week…the place where I was in a fight!! Well actually a fight involves two people…I was assaulted!

Come with me brothers and sisters to hear my story. There I was in church, seated next to my parents, enjoying the service. I was smartly dressed in my lovely yellow suit. Into my pew walk two strangers that sat down beside me. I had never seen these worshippers before but I attend a very large church and our doors are open to all. We, the congregation, stood with our Bibles to read the word that would be the subject of our sermon. I, "Chrissie Christian", noticing that my neighbor didn’t have a Bible, decided to share. And that, brothers and sisters is when something went very wrong!!

I reached over to lightly touch the arm of my neighbor and motioned that she could read along with me. It was at that moment that she decided that I was no neighbor of hers!! She looked at me like I was new and hit me and my Bible! Now, just to set the record straight, she did not hit me like Mike Tyson. It was more of a tap, tap, tap with an elbow to my arm for good measure... what Dawn now calls the Church Slap. Those of you that know Dawn can only imagine the hours of laughter she is getting from this story!!

But anyway….I was shocked an appalled. I stood there with my mouth wide open because I couldn’t believe it. I remember thinking, "did she just hit me or am I dreaming?!" After the assault, we all sat down and my neighbor looked straight ahead as if nothing happened! Ok, well first I was mad, but then as I looked at my neighbor I realized something wasn’t quite right (if you know what I mean.) My anger then turned to fear. I had visions of her jumping me during the offering! While I wondered how I would make my exit she hit me again! It was a very quick tap, tap to the side of my leg. "Can someone help me?!" "Doesn’t anyone see this?!!" 'Where are the ushers??" "Where are my Mother and Father?!!?"

Well my agitation finally got the attention of my Mother who asked what was wrong. Now, I like to think of myself as a mature woman of the world but at that moment as I looked at my Mother I turned 4 years old! I replied, “She’s hitting me!” "What!"... my Mother couldn’t comprehend, so again I said, “She’s hitting me!” Now my Father wants to know what is happening and my Mom tells him that my neighbor is hitting me. "What!" He can’t believe it either. My Dad quickly tells me to move my seat which I do very obediently like any 4 year old would! Safe beside my Dad I now fear for my Mother’s arm and leg as well!! I tell my Father my concern, who by this time is practically standing in his seat, glaring down the neighbor. Howard replies that "there will be no more hitting as long as (he) is on the job!!" My Mother, who is the sweetest, also does not play when it comes to her “Pookalitas”! She picks up her umbrella that is on the floor, crosses her leg and makes the exaggerated motion of rolling the umbrella up all in the view of our neighbor. Helen was ready, by whatever means necessary!!

Now I don’t actually know what the sermon was about on that Sunday. We were having strife right in our pew!! Our neighbors left before the benediction, never to be seen again. Now, brothers and sisters, I have replayed this story many times in my head. Should I have rolled up my little yellow suit sleeves and fought back? Should I have screamed? Should I have let my parents beat up my neighbor?!! Who is to say? You never know what you will do until you are actually in a situation.

I do know that I am thankful for my parents, and I am thankful to be in my right mind, and I am thankful to have clothes on my back, especially my little yellow suit!